Sunday, April 27, 2014


Okay I know I say I hate North Carolina like A LOT! But I do have to say living an hour away from the beach is a dream come true! We are even luckier that it's the beach that most Nicholas Sparks movies are filmed at! It's so dreamy and this town in the cutest!! Anyways! The weather was perfect this weekend so we decided to make a day trip out of it and get to know the beach! We will definitely be going back this summer multiple times!! I felt like we were on vacation in California! Not just an hour from home! I got FRIED and now I know what my feet are going to look like when I'm 9 months preggo and swollen cause my feet are hard core suffering! Well worth it though!


Friday, April 25, 2014


had to add: struggles of a self timer

HOW FAR: 20 WEEKS! Officially half way! And this kinda makes me want to cry! As much as I am ready to meet my precious babe, being pregnant is honestly the best feeling in the world! Even with all the puking, heartburn, migraines, and other strange body things, I already know I’m going to miss it.

BABY IS THE SIZE OF: A banana!! Holy big! 10.5 ounces and about 10 inches from head to toe!

MATERNITY CLOTHES: I still have just bought the one pair of black skinnies cause those are a necessity! And I really have just been wearing dresses and leggings…but I am not sure how long some of my leggings are going to last! I have a few that are starting to cut off my circulation! And some of my tank tops are starting to become belly shirts..that's cute right?

SLEEP: ehhh this little baby is already starting to wake me up before the crack of dawn! I have always been a late sleeper…I’m talking like 11 o’clock on average, but now it’s more like 5 am average! Also turning from side to side is strangely difficult! And the heartburn gets much worse when I lay down! And I have this new annoying nuisance that I feel like someone is sitting on my chest when I lay down, it's hard to breathe and I can totally feel my heart struggling! 

MOVEMENT: YES YES YES! And I love it!!!! I seriously can’t say this enough! She is getting so strong!! I can look down and totally see her moving around in my stomach! It is pretty much all day now instead of just at night or after I eat! I wake up feeling her move and it’s the best start to my days!

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK: We painted the nursery! And got the crib! And got the rocking chair! Haha it was a successful week in the nursery building! Who knew buying baby furniture was so much fun! I can’t wait until they get here and it can all start coming together!
Another fun moment: I had my first stranger ask me how far along I was! I know this offends some people...but I don’t know why cause it made my day! Yay for not just looking chubby anymore!

MISS ANYTHING: I always have to think hard for this question cause I just love being pregnant! So even though there are things I miss, they are outweighed by all the good things!

FOOD CRAVINGS: Still those stinkin flaming hot Cheetos! I can’t get enough! I have been trying to consciously eat healthier than I normally do to try to avoid gaining 50 pounds but there is no saying no to those things! Still eating lots of peanut butter and honey sandwiches! And salad with lots and lots of vinergerette dressing!

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: Pizza and meat! Chicken is okay some days but that’s about it!

AM I SHOWING: oh yes! my bump is kinda pointy somedays and it makes me laugh! 

WEIGHT GAIN: wasn’t sure I was going to include this question incase I gain 50 pounds and I want to keep that secret to myself, but 6 pounds so far! It’s strange seeing the scale go up cause I’ve been the same weight for like 5 years!

STRETCH MARKS: none! Still very very adamant about putting on my vitamin E oil morning and night! But stretch marks are most definitely in my genes so it's me against biology! Let's hope I win! 

HAPPY OR MOODY: I feel like my hormones are pretty much normal most of the time! Until I watch some sad documentary or a tearjerker story!

LOOKING FORWARD TO: Going to the beach this weekend and tanning this big ol’ baby bump!!

ps: that thing that everyone says about pregnancy going by fast is far too true for me! 

Have a good weekend! xoxo

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


Ahhh so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind! I’m heartbroken, angry, sad, grateful, happy, relieved, and most of all full of love.

Today was my appointment with my specialist going over my Chiari Malformation and how it affects my pregnancy. The nurse came and got me out of the waiting room and immediately took me back into an ultrasound room, I was so confused because I was told nothing of this. She wasted no time and jumped right in like I was supposed to know what was happening. She says

“Now is it you or the baby with Chiari?”
“Okay, well today we are going to be really looking at baby and making sure everything is growing and working properly, look at her brain and all her organs, and then the doctor will come in and talk about Chiari with you.”

My heart sank. Michael was not with me. Our anatomy ultrasound was not supposed to be until next week. He was on 24 hour duty an hour away with no way to come.
She then continued to really look in detail all over baby. I was holding my breath the entire time. What if something was wrong and Michael wasn’t here. Of course these hormones made me start crying. As happy as I was to see my babe up on that big screen, I was so sad that Michael wasn’t there with me.

After the 45-minute ultrasound was over the tech left me and said the doctor will be in shortly…that’s it? You’re not going to tell me if everything is good? Of course not and I was stuck in that empty room for another 20 minutes letting my mind and emotions get the best of me.

Dr. came in and introduced himself and then looked over all the pictures the tech had taken along with the notes, turns to me and smiles,

“Baby is perfectly healthy and everything looks right on track!”

Then we went on to talk about my pregnancy in regards to my Chiari Malformation and delivery. There isn’t much research out there on this subject so unfortunately so much of it is up in the air. Because I have not had the surgery and I am still experiencing symptoms labor is the time for the most concern. The stress of labor and pushing is too much for my body to handle and it could cut off the flow of CSF fluid to my brain. Because of this my options are:

·      C-section completely put under and unconscious.
·      Vaginal delivery with no epidural and me pushing only enough for the doctors to use forceps or a vacuum to get the baby out the rest of the way. Normally forceps are NOT used without an epidural because it is extremely painful and can cause extreme tearing.
·      Combination of the two: Me trying vaginal delivery and if it is too much for my body and is putting the baby under too much stress, do an emergency C-section.

This is really hard for me because of course I’m one of those hippies that grew up always wanting a water birth or a home birth. I always had the mindset that even if I had a hospital birth I would do my best to not get an epidural, be induced, any of that. But in the end I’ll do what it takes to get her here safe and sound. We will be praying and researching to really find out what option we feel best! All in all, so so so grateful for a healthy baby girl growing inside me. (oh yeah, despite my dreams: she’s still a girl)
Check out that perfect cute little nose

can't wait to kiss these little piggy's

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Springtime Nightmares

Purpose of todays post: random ranting and updating! 

18 weeks
I LOVE SPRING TIME! I really do! It's when all the beautiful flowers and tree come back to life making my drives so much prettier! Especially being here in North Carolina versus Arizona, EVERYTHING is so green and pretty! With that being said, I'm allergic to pollen and always get bad allergies. I haven't been able to breath out of my nose for a solid 2 weeks. Also my mascara is gone 30 minutes after I put it on cause my eyes are like fountains. Any tried and true ways to help allergies? I'm desperate! I got the clear to take Benadryl but it knocks me out cold! So dealing with these allergies have been my first nightmare...

The second are REAL nightmares! I always heard of vivid crazy pregnancy dreams, but it would be nice if I could have one pleasant happy dream for once! Every single dream wakes me up after totally freaking me out. They range from someone close to me dying, miscarrying my sweet babe, something happening to Michael, my baby being stolen by ghosts and so on....that sounds crazy but all of them seem SO REAL! I don't know how to make them stop! 

The very first step in Michael's discharging process has happened! It makes me giddy and happy just thinking about it! I am grateful for the army and those that live this life, but it is just not for us. Army life isn't what you think it is or what you see in the movies that's for sure. I'm sure if Michael's body wasn't having the problems that is has been having it would be different, but because of his health he's totally useless here and I feel like everyday is just a waste. Because the med-boarding process is a long one we will probably be back in good old Arizona by beginning of next year! 

I can't tell you enough how big of a difference friends can make. We haven't put ourselves out there at all since moving here, we've pretty much kept to ourselves and have been doing our own thing. It was getting lonely that's for sure. As soon as we moved into this ward we decided that we would get out of our comfort zone and try our best to meet new people! I 100% feel a change in both of us already! We had a dinner party over at our house the other night and it felt soooo good to have other people in our home just eating, chatting, and having fun! No more hibernating in our hole for us! 

About baby girl: we have decided to no longer announce her name to the world, for lots of different reasons! But I still don't know if we will wait ALL the way until birth or announce it right before, we shall see! A perk of living 2300 miles away from anybody you know is I still get to call her by her name and create that special little bond without worrying someone will over hear! It's so strange how I already feel like her name suits her perfectly! Hopefully starting the nursery in the next couple weeks! 

My big anatomy ultrasound is this upcoming week and weirdly I'm more nervous than excited about it! I know my brain condition is genetic and could be passed on to my girls so that has been weighing heavily on me lately...I don't even know if they could tell me this soon or not but I'm still worried! Everybody say a little prayer for a perfectly healthy baby fox! 

Okay so that was totally all over the place but whatever there are no rules to blog posts! Enjoy! Go smell the flowers:) 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Motherhood Pressure

I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as a mother lately. It is not my role to guarantee baby girl has the cutest clothes in class. It is not my role to make sure she dates the star quarterback. It is not my role to pick what she is going to be when she grows up.  It however, IS my role to teach her quite a lot, so much that I become overwhelmed with it at times. Thinking about the fact that I must raise her to do things that even I struggle to do. That even though I have faith that she comes from heaven with a personality of her own, that it is up to me to shape what kind of person she becomes, that I have a huge influence on the values she will have for the rest of her life. That she will look up to ME as an example in so many things. How could I not be overwhelmed, talk about pressure!

This is a list of 55 things that I hope when she looks back on me as a mother in 50 years she recognizes that I successfully, or did everything in my power to teach her.

You are absolutely and undeniably unique.  You are one of a kind, and there is no one like you in the world.  BE YOURSELF.  It will draw people to you for the rest of your life.

Life is not a race.  Never compare yourself to where the people around you are.  Your plan is different than anyone else’s plan.  Remember that.

Step outside your comfort zone.  You’ll be surprised.

Everything is always okay in the end.  If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

Nothing you do can make me stop loving you.

Beauty truly comes from the inside.  Believe that.  The media lies.  Don’t compare yourself or your looks.  Comparison is the thief of joy.  You were made in God’s image.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  You ARE beautiful.

Read your scriptures.  It has the answers to all the problems you’ll face.  And if you don’t think so, read harder.

We don’t stop playing when we get old.  We get old because we stop playing. Stay youthful.

Friends will make or break you.  Seek out good friends.  Be the kind of friend you wish you had.

Don’t be a people-pleaser.  Just be honest and do what’s right, even if it’s not popular.

When you start feeling sorry for yourself, find someone to serve.  Do something nice for someone.  Making cookies is a good start. Love is found in the service of others.

Chronic complaining is unattractive.  Develop your problem solving skills.  If you aren’t willing to make the proper change, you aren’t allowed to whine about the problem.

Don’t lose the Eternal Perspective.  As long as you can remember that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing, small trials become trivial.  He sees more than we do, and it’s all for something.

NOTHING in the world is more important than the temple.  Always keep getting to the temple your goal, and stay worthy of it once you’re there.  No activity, drink, behavior, or lifestyle is better than the blessings the temple holds.  I promise that.  Get there.  Stay there.

Keep a journal.  Write your story.  It’s therapy.

Your daddy works so hard to support our family.  He loves me and you so much.  He makes time to laugh and have fun with us every single day.  He is happy and patient.  I don’t know how he does it, but make sure you find someone like him to marry.

You never know who is watching and looking up to you.  Never forget that you are always an example to someone.

Be kind to everyone.  Even strangers.  You don’t know what they are going through. 

Hard work will get you further than anything in life.

Learn to see the beauty in the world.  It’s all around.  You just have to open your eyes to the little things.

There is more to life than money.  Money can never make you happy.  Debt will rot your soul.  Avoid unnecessary debt.

Laugh every single day.  A sense of humor is worth gold.

Happiness is a journey.  It’s a mood.  It is NOT a destination.  You can be happy amidst trials.

Always eat breakfast.

Camping is one of life’s greatest pleasures.  Do it at least once a year.

Trust takes a long time to earn, be so careful to not break that with your friends and family.

Make friends with your cousins.  Those relationships get even better with age.

There’s no such thing as too many pillows.

Your name holds special meaning to us.

A strong man isn’t threatened by a strong woman.

Womanhood is a privilege, not a disadvantage.

Good communication is a skill that should always be worked on.

Understand your worth.  If someone isn’t willing to treat you like a daughter of God, they aren’t worth your time.  Don’t ever ever settle just to save yourself from being alone. You deserve the world.

Wickedness can NEVER be happiness.

Faith has a short shelf life.  Never assume you’re “safe” from falling.

The Atonement is for more than just sins.  It is for broken hearts, sadness, depression, struggles, and anything you need strength for.  It is always available for use.  Don’t ignore it.

It’s not your place to judge.  Ever.

Forgive.  Even when they never say sorry.

Don’t ever count on somebody else to make you happy.

Be the first to volunteer when someone needs help.

Learn something from everyone.

Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Mean everything you say.  Keep your word.  Don’t trifle words.

Don’t live in the past.  You can’t drive forward if you’re stuck looking in a rear view mirror.  You will keep crashing.  Look FORWARD, and occasionally glance back to keep things in check.

Don’t wait for things to happen.  Make them happen.

Most of the things you worry about never happen.

I will always want to hear from you.

Being passive aggressive is immature.  When you have a problem with something or someone, do the right thing and talk to them about it.  It’s hard.  But it’s better.

Never attack the person.  Attack the problem.

It never hurts to ask.

You can’t change what people think about you.  Be your best self, and that is enough.

Get to know yourself.  And LOVE yourself. 

Your life has a reason, and you have a great work to do.  Look for opportunities around you to make a difference.

You are a creation of two people’s eternal love.  No one has loved anyone more than I love your dad, and no one will ever love you more than us.

(main list taken from found on pinterest)

Friday, April 4, 2014


Okay I know I said I wouldn’t do these so often cause things don’t change that fast, well I spoke too soon! This week was too exciting not to share! {Also I found a new questionnaire and I like these questions more!}

HOW FAR: 17 weeks today (my turn over days are Fridays)

BABY IS THE SIZE OF: a turnip, and since I don’t know how big that is, I looked up another comparison, the size of my hand! About 5 inches! She’s growing so fast!

MATERNITY CLOTHES: oh yeah baby… and best decision I made! I despise jeans when I’m not pregnant there was just no way I was going to put them on and be even more uncomfortable. The only problem I ran into, maternity clothes are ugly people. I found it so hard to find anything that didn’t look like I was 40 and frumpy. I hit the jackpot at h&m and got the perfect pair of black skinnies and some Bermuda shorts. I don’t plan on buying more than that because I plan on living in dresses and stretchy pants!

SLEEP: sleep is getting a little harder lately. Although I am not complaining cause I have yet to wake up just to pee. I am a dedicated stomach sleeper so that is starting to become a bit of a problem and it makes me sick to…probably baby yelling at me to stop squishing her!

MOVEMENT: OKAY!! Ahhhh! This right here is why I HAD to do a post this week! Yes! I can say yes to this question! I have been unsure now for about 2 weeks if I was infact feeling her wiggle around or if it was just my stomach doing its thang ya know? Well these past couple days, 100% its baby girl! Especially if I lay on my side! It almost feels like my muscles are twitching? And you wanna know the best part!?

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK: MICHAEL FELT HER TOO! Last night! I wasn’t sure if he would be able to and I was just able to cause its happening inside of me, but sure enough! Last week at our ultrasound I found out my placenta is behind the baby so the baby is the most forward part, which makes it really easy to feel her, find her heartbeat, and get super cute pictures of her!

MISS ANYTHING: not really this week! I’ve been feeling good! I started my prenatal workouts and officially can’t walk, but it’s a good feeling! Oh I haven’t been able to touch or even think about pizza since I got pregnant, but since I was feeling so much better I thought I would try it again, nope. Puked within the first two bites.

FOOD CRAVINGS: flaming hot Cheetos? Are you kidding me? I literally haven’t eaten those since I was like 11! And I have like 5 peanut butter and honey sandwiches a day!

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: pizza. Still my pantry. Targets popcorn smell. And meat, I’ve been able to eat a little chicken but that’s it.

AM I SHOWING: yes! I have a teeny tiny torso so baby is popping right out….short girl probs right? You can definitely tell I’m pregnant and not just fat now! Yay!

WEDDING RINGS: please tell me I’m not the only horrible wife that wears my wedding ring like twice a month? I don’t know why cause I LOVE IT, but this is bad to say, its so big it gets caught on pretty much everything. I think I’m going to get a matching band and just wear that all the time, but in regards to pregnancy, YES! Its pretty loose on me to begin with so I’ll probably be able to wear it until the end!

HAPPY OR MOODY: besides crying over pretty much anything? I’m good! Don’t send any tearjerkers my way please!

LOOKING FORWARD TO: buying the crib this month! Hopefully! The one I want is sold out on pretty much every site but I’m still holding out hope!

 I always knew that baby clothes would be my weakness but holy cow it’s like I have no control! That has been my favorite part about knowing baby is a little miss is shopppping!! And finally being able to really brainstorm nursery ideas! I want to paint here pretty soon! If you have seen the other pictures from my apartment you know I love accent walls, her room will be no different! Also I’m pretty sure we have a name picked out! Just trying to finalize the middle name and then I think we will announce it! I wasn’t planning on announcing until birth because so many people give their unwanted opinions about it and I didn’t want that! But I figured I know I LOVE it and Michael LOVES it and that is all that matters, she is OUR baby girl after all! You can’t please everyone! So keep your eye out for her name in the near future!

(if you look really close baby girl is smiling! ahhhh!)