Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Labor PTSD

PTSD is defined as  a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. 

It’s taken some time for me to realize it, but I have PTSD from labor. And I don’t think it happened right away. I LOVED the labor experience- I would boast to anyone who asked about it how amazing it was, how crazy strong the woman body is, how proud I was of myself. And then I got pregnant again….for the first little while I was so so excited to be able to experience labor again! To feel that magic and to work one on one with God to bring another little life into this world. And then the weeks ticked by faster and faster, sometimes so fast I felt like I couldn’t catch up. Time was going too fast for me, I wasn’t given time to prepare, to mentally prepare for this all. I think it’s a mix between being incredibly nervous to have a newborn baby and an 18 month old, and nervous (that word doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling) to have to do labor again. 

Being nervous to have a newborn baby and a toddler is a whole other story, but labor. Man, i don’t even know where to begin. Every time I even get close to thinking about labor or heading to the hospital, my stomach drops and I want to puke. I want time to stop because I know each day is one more day closer to my water breaking and then I won’t be able to do anything about it. It’s sad really, I’ve gotten to the point where I almost forget about the fact that me going into labor means I get to meet my daughter!! How sad is that? That is supposed to be my motivation! Yet, my fears and anxiety about labor are overshadowing that excitement. 

For those of you that didn’t read Milan’s birth story, I unexpectedly had to do a natural birth with pitocin. I had no breaks in between contractions and was told I couldn’t receive the epidural when I was dilated to a 7. This was not part of the plan. My labor was scary-I spent every single moment terrified, full of self doubt. I couldn’t deliver natural, I just couldn’t…this pain was way too much. I started to give up in my mind-mentally I checked out and wanted to give up. Luckily our bodies don’t really let us give up in the middle of labor and it forced me to push and I was blessed with a perfect baby girl. However, labor was the furthest thing from what I thought/wanted it to be. It was not peaceful, it was not magical (for me at least), it was not beautiful. It was pure terrifying. But luckily every second after Milan was placed on my chest was magical and beautiful and calm. 

This pregnancy I told myself labor would be better because I could prepare. I would read up on different methods to handle pain (hypnobirthing, bradley, ect). Except there’s one problem. I can’t search/read/look at anything labor related without sweating and going into a panic. This is all so new to me. And at this point I really don’t know what to do. Now I’m into my third trimester and I haven’t read a single thing. I try my best to avoid the topic of labor at all. I like to pretend that if I don’t think about it, it won’t come. 

I have a meeting with the anesthesiology team at this new hospital I’m delivering at coming up to go over different options/risks. If everyone could say a tiny prayer that I get good news that would mean so much to me! I really really want to love labor again! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

4sleep Mattress: a pregnant girls dream.

I posted a few weeks ago on my instagram about our new 4sleeps mattress and said I would give it some time until my review! Honestly I was sold after night 1! And even after that the nights just kept getting better! Its been 3 weeks now and I can honestly say I'm in love.

A little bit of background on my past relationships with mattresses. When we first got married I had been in dorms and Michael had been in Military barracks- so neither of us had a mattress to our names. We pretty much had nothing to our name which meant lots of $$$$. We went with the cheapest (new) mattress we could find cause no thanks bed bugs. It was about $200. We used it for almost a year. In that year I was pregnant and Michael was in the army. My back pain last pregnancy was OUT OF THIS WORLD. Michael was going to physical therapy for his back (he had a dislocated disk) and yet we never put getting a better mattress at the top of our priority list. Then this past summer we finally decided it was time. We were both young and in our twenties we shouldn't have horrible backs and pain when waking up! We spent ALOT.... more than we should have but we were desperate, on a new fancy mattress. Night 1 I wasn't impressed but wanted to give my body time to get used to it. 3 months in we both weren't impressed and still had a lot of restless nights with back pain.

That's when I came across the 4 sleeps! Guys, coolest part-it comes in a box to your doorstep! The box wasn't even huge! Came to my ribs maybe? This factor was so so awesome in the moving process! It fit in the back of my car with my stroller! When you take it out of the box, you undo the plastic wrap and the mattress unfolds and springs to life! It was kinda cool to watch!

We are 3 weeks in and I sleep like a baby! Despite the fact that I am growing a baby! Michael's back pain has significantly decreased and he has been able to sleep in past 6am pretty much everyday! The pain from his back actually used to wake him up! It's memory foam so I don't feel him move or roll around at all! Can I just say I'm so excited for all the postpartum/newborn snuggles that are going to happen in this bed? I'm so impressed and definitely definitely recommend this mattress!

*I was sent this mattress for review but all opinions are my own* 

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Moving into our HOME

Guys!! We have a HOME! OUR home!! ahhhhh! It is so amazing to be able to say that! 

So in case you guys weren’t aware, buying a home is SO stressful! Ugh I felt like I was on a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs and twists and turns for two months straight! Especially right in the beginning and right at the end! 

A little backstory on our move to Virginia! In July Michael was working construction, the days were long, started early, the work was hard, and the heat made it worse. The money was good but we both knew that it wasn’t what he should be doing for an extended amount of time. 

An opportunity came out for a job where he travels on the weekend for a company based out of richmond va (hint- its my dad’s company). He would travel to various locations every weekend and attend the shows that they host (my dad is a hot tub manufacture for those of you who don’t know) and Michael would kind of supervise the show and sell the hot tubs as well! It seemed like a really good fit and the timing was perfect! It had benefits which we had just recently lost our healthcare coverage from the army (it lasts for 6 months after exit date) and holy crap healthcare is NOT cheap! So that was the plan! We actually sold our lease at our apartment and put a deposit on a new 3 bedroom place in Chandler, AZ just a little ways from where we already were! 

The end of September my younger brother got married so I flew out to Virginia for that! Also we couldn’t get into our new place until November 1st and our apartment lease was already sold so I figured I would just stay in VA and visit with family for the month and Michael just came to my parents house in between his shows on the weekends! 

Somewhere between end of september and middle of october, we decided we were going to move to Virginia. It was crazy how fast it happened and definitely felt like it came out of nowhere-but also felt so right. This last year has been one of the hardest, we had a big transition from military life back to civilian aka normal life. Also our whole 5, 10 year plan changed when Michael finally accepted that becoming a PA wasn’t what he wanted for his future, which left us back at square one. 

I started to look at houses for rent and to buy, buying just seemed like the best option for us! We had been thinking about it for some time and decided now was a good time to take the plunge! If you’re not familiar with the east coast or older houses, garages, and multiple bathrooms are kinda a needle in a haystack! A garage was a must because we wanted to be able to run The Native Oak from home and the machine that does it is huge and really loud. After lots of showing I started to get discouraged that we weren’t going to find the perfect home in our budget. And then we did. It’s perfect. Perfect for us. I can’t wait to show you guys all of the insides! We are doing some small renovations to the bathroom and kitchen, lots of painting and then I’ll take some pictures ( but if you have a twitter follow me for some sneak peeks @_whitneyfox)! We have .7 acres of the prettiest land,three huge mature trees, a porch, the perfect detached garage, and 3 bedrooms! The one bedroom is huge! Basically two combined-with the cutest vaulted ceilings! As soon as I saw this room I KNEW my girls would make the best memories in it! It was their room I could just feel it! So eventually they will share, for now it’s just Milan’s room, but I’m thinking around 10-12 months (whenever she starts consistency sleeping through the night) I’ll move the baby up there and turn the nursery into our guest bedroom!  

The moving process has been going so good! Every day we make more and more progress! We truly feel so blessed to be here. 

Monday, November 9, 2015

It's a GIRL! 21 weeks

SO this is a little late to my blog but.....we're having another GIRL!!! 

And yes we are shocked ( this pregnancy just seemed so different) but goodness gracious are we dang excited!!! I mean sisters...really? Kill me I'm so excited! 

Michael has been saying since we got married that we are going to have all girls! I was so ready to prove him wrong cause I had such a strong feeling this bean was a boy...but he is right, yet again! She is growing perfectly, kicks and moves all day long, and has three super excited family members waiting to meet her!

And since I'm already 21 weeks I thought it was about time to do a bump date! whoops!!

BABY IS THE SIZE OF: banana! at our ultrasound last week she was weighing in at 12 oz!! 

MATERNITY CLOTHES: oh heavens yes. With Milan I really got away with hardly anything maternity, I was pregnant over the summer so I just lived in dresses and leggings! This time some jeans were a necessity! I got some expensive gap ones cause I hear the most rave about those, but honestly I wasn't a fan! I got some h&m ones on clearance and I wear them at least every other day! Heres a link...I love them!! And $14?? Can't beat that! 

MOVEMENT: oh yes! she's getting so strong I love it! You can totally watch her from the outside now! I first started feeling her around 12 weeks! Yes so early!! I was surprised but no mistaking it! Michael felt her at 16 weeks! She kicks all day long, especially at night!

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK: Definitely our at anomy ultrasound! Michael missed it with Milan cause my doctor really didn't tell me about it before hand I just thought it was another normal appointment, so it was really special and cool to have him there! Modern medicine amazes me! Being able to see all her heart chambers? That's unreal!! I just love ultrasounds and I fall more in love every time!! 

MISS ANYTHING: having energy. Man keeping up with a 13 month old when your body is begging you to just lay in bed all day and watch movies is rough!!! 

FOOD CRAVINGS: oreo milkshakes! 

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: exact same food aversion as Milan, Pizza and meat...blehhh no thank you! which is so weird cause normally I'm all about that pizza life!

WEIGHT GAIN: who knows. you know I think one of my favorite parts about being pregnant this time around is how little I care or am worried about weight gain. I'm embracing it, yeah I'm gonna get love handles, yeah my thighs are going to triple in size, and my face is going to blow up....but you know what? It's temporary and it's for a freaking amazing cause! She's worth feeling like a fat toad for a few months:)

STRETCH MARKS: no new ones! Using coconut oil daily again! 

HAPPY OR MOODY: I've been way more moody this second time around! and I think a lot of it has to do with being so tired all the time but not being able to rest/sleep! I'm a lady who likes her sleep-I need it to function like my normal (nice) self! 

SYMPTOMS: my migraines are back with this pregnancy! I was put on the same medication as I was on with Milan but I think it's different milligrams or something cause it doesn't work as well..
pure exhaustion.

LOOKING FORWARD TO: getting into our new house and getting started
 on putting together this baby girls nursery!! Let the nesting begin!!

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Baby Shower 2.0

I was thrown the sweetest, most perfect baby shower by my best friends! 

As sad and kinda petty as it is, I never got to experience a real shower with Milan's pregnancy and it has always been kinda something I felt a little jipped out of! We just lived so far from all family and friends we had gifts sent to us but no party! I was so excited to be pregnant this time around while we lived in Arizona!! And then what do you threw us a curveball and we are moving to Virginia! My friend was the sweetest and threw together a little early shower before I move and it meant the world to me!!! Some people have strong opinions on you can only have a baby shower for your first, or if theres a big gap, or if it's a separate gender....well we fit none of those qualifications and we still did one! Personally I think every single baby/life is worth celebrating! And who doesn't love girl time?! 

This shower wasn't about the gifts even in the teensiest bit! (Even though we got some of the cutest things!!!) We do pretty much have everything we need to raise another little girl! This shower was much more about getting together with my girlfriends, chatting, eating, and just having a good time talking and gushing over this new baby girl growing in my belly! We had so much fun! 
banner: littledovie

pink paper flowers: artequeen cake topper: littledovie

a stranger took this photo thats why its so awful haha but its the only group shot!

These pictures just crack me up! Milan was so much more interested in these presents than the ones at her own birthday party! She thought this was all for her and her face light up with each new gift! Especially the clothes! She's such a girl!

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Happy Halloween!!

Holidays get 10x more fun with littles around! Even though we aren't taking Milan trick or treating this year (we're out of town and hello late bedtime? no happy baby) we still went to our church's trunk or treat! If you don't know what that is its when people line up their cars in a parking lot and hand out candy out of the trunks! Super fun and a lot less walking than trick or treating!! 
sorry super bad quality! I can't find the original picture so this is off Facebook!
I originally wanted to be fox's last year for halloween but with  6 week old baby...time was not my friend and I never got around to getting our costumes together! We threw together a super easy LumberJack Costume with stuff we already had! It was so funny to see teeny Milan dressed as a boy with a beard painted on! She got called a boy many times that night:)

This year I put a little bit more time so we could be fox's!! Not a ton of hassle, mostly just searching for the pieces, and I made the ears...which took like 30 minutes! All in all I'm so pleased with how they turned out!! 

socks: etsy
her dress: carters
my shirt: asos
her vest: old navy
my vest: walmart
her shoes: gymboree

Friday, October 30, 2015

Living life in the NOW.

blanket c/o cozy blankets 
Ever since Milan was born I have progressively blogged less and less. At first it was really that I just didn’t have the time or energy, any spare moment I had was spent sleeping, cleaning, or getting one on one time with my husband. Then I started feeling “pressured” to blog. No, no one was keeping track of how much I blogged or how late I was getting my monthly updates posted…but I still felt pressured. 

Same with Instagram. I started feeling the pressure that I think everyone feels, to have the perfect picture, the perfect caption, post often…but not too much cause people don’t like that. The pressure to comment and like others pictures, the pressure to hit a certain number of likes on every picture. It’s ridiculous saying out loud that I felt the pressure to get likes. Like really….is that what my life consists of? Is that was is important to me? NO. NO FREAKING WAY. Freaking pathetic. My life is fulfilling, my life is great, my life is happy, my life is full of love! And all of that is because of things OUTSIDE of instagram, outside of likes, and outside of how many followers I have. 

Do I want people to know me as “the girl with lots of followers” or do I want people to know me as “the girl who loves her family fiercely and lives life in the moment” do they look at me and see that I am happy? Do they see that I am grateful, independent, and strong? Without instagram? Without my followers or likes? I hope so, oh man I hope so. 

And then it gets tricky because I love instargram, and it really has blessed me in many ways. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I used to be painfully painfully shy. Couldn’t pay for my own things while shopping because the thought of having to talk to a stranger made my stomach hurt. I still to this day avoid phone calls at all cost, meeting new people used to terrify me to my very core. Now it thrills me. I thrive off of it. I feel like I NEED it almost, I need that social interaction…and as cheesy as it sounds I feel like I owe a lot of that to instagram. It has allowed me to “meet” and grow to love so many different people from all across the world and it’s made me realize what I was missing out on being so shy. I think about so many of my followers and people that i’ve “met” through instagram daily. I think about their kids, and their lives, hoping they are doing well, wishing I could hug them, wishing I could tell them how much of a difference they’ve made to me by simply commenting here and there, sharing bits about their lives, and how much I appreciate them. 

I am really bad at responding to every comment, or even commenting on others post, I am. Most of the time I’m scrolling through instagram while holding my phone up high away from my toddler who wants to grab it, or while I’m in bed late at night and early in the mornings. And sometimes I feel really bad for not responding to a question, or commenting on someones photos, but then I remember, I was tickling my daughter instead of commenting. I was kissing her instead of commenting, I was cleaning up after her, cooking for her, cuddling my husband, visiting with friends or family…I was doing all of that, instead of commenting. And suddenly I don’t feel the least bit bad or guilty because THOSE are the things that make my life so fulfilling, so full of love, and so so great, and I wouldn’t want to change any of that. My daughter (soon to be daughters), my husband, and my family will forever be what makes my life worth it. In 5 years I won’t remember the likes I didn’t get, the followers I lost, or the photos I forgot to comment on, I’ll remember the giggly tickle fests with my girls, the early morning snuggles, the date nights with my husband, the family holidays, I’ll remember all of that. 

And that is why I don’t blog as much any more, I am preoccupied living a pretty fantastic life, raising one heck of a daughter, and married to one hunky husband. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

1 year photos!

Last month me and Milan had to opportunity to shoot with Dream Photography Studio and Paige at The Love Designed Life in their new project! Stacey is the magic behind the camera and Paige does the prettiest styling! She has such an eye! This came at perfect timing because I had really been wanting to do a big one year photoshoot for Milan, but life was so crazy busy I didn't have time to put together outfits, we were moving so my house was not cute, and Michael was traveling a lot and he is normally the one that takes the good pictures (he's much better at the camera than I am) I tried to get some of her but they were such an epic failure! I didn't get a single good picture that I loved or that I felt really captured Milan! She's so so active it's impossible to get a picture of her lately! Or so I thought! Stacey was amazing with her, and so much more patient than I expected! She was fine with us taking a break here and there when Milan needed to run around or take a snack break (girl has got to keep up her figure hahah). Normally I walk away from taking pictures worried we didn't get a single good shot, but this time I just knew there were some good ones! And I was right! Paige whipped up our flower crowns in I swear 5 minutes flat, is that amazing or what? The whole experience was so laid back and chill which was perfect! You need that when trying to photograph a 1 year old! I don't do many reviews on my blog, if I do I have to really believe in the product/service and this is for sure one of them! I have never really printed off and hung our family, wedding, or newborns in our home but I have already ordered some of these in prints! I am so glad I could get such beautiful captures of my sweet girl at this fun age!