Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Labor PTSD

PTSD is defined as  a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. 

It’s taken some time for me to realize it, but I have PTSD from labor. And I don’t think it happened right away. I LOVED the labor experience- I would boast to anyone who asked about it how amazing it was, how crazy strong the woman body is, how proud I was of myself. And then I got pregnant again….for the first little while I was so so excited to be able to experience labor again! To feel that magic and to work one on one with God to bring another little life into this world. And then the weeks ticked by faster and faster, sometimes so fast I felt like I couldn’t catch up. Time was going too fast for me, I wasn’t given time to prepare, to mentally prepare for this all. I think it’s a mix between being incredibly nervous to have a newborn baby and an 18 month old, and nervous (that word doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling) to have to do labor again. 

Being nervous to have a newborn baby and a toddler is a whole other story, but labor. Man, i don’t even know where to begin. Every time I even get close to thinking about labor or heading to the hospital, my stomach drops and I want to puke. I want time to stop because I know each day is one more day closer to my water breaking and then I won’t be able to do anything about it. It’s sad really, I’ve gotten to the point where I almost forget about the fact that me going into labor means I get to meet my daughter!! How sad is that? That is supposed to be my motivation! Yet, my fears and anxiety about labor are overshadowing that excitement. 

For those of you that didn’t read Milan’s birth story, I unexpectedly had to do a natural birth with pitocin. I had no breaks in between contractions and was told I couldn’t receive the epidural when I was dilated to a 7. This was not part of the plan. My labor was scary-I spent every single moment terrified, full of self doubt. I couldn’t deliver natural, I just couldn’t…this pain was way too much. I started to give up in my mind-mentally I checked out and wanted to give up. Luckily our bodies don’t really let us give up in the middle of labor and it forced me to push and I was blessed with a perfect baby girl. However, labor was the furthest thing from what I thought/wanted it to be. It was not peaceful, it was not magical (for me at least), it was not beautiful. It was pure terrifying. But luckily every second after Milan was placed on my chest was magical and beautiful and calm. 

This pregnancy I told myself labor would be better because I could prepare. I would read up on different methods to handle pain (hypnobirthing, bradley, ect). Except there’s one problem. I can’t search/read/look at anything labor related without sweating and going into a panic. This is all so new to me. And at this point I really don’t know what to do. Now I’m into my third trimester and I haven’t read a single thing. I try my best to avoid the topic of labor at all. I like to pretend that if I don’t think about it, it won’t come. 

I have a meeting with the anesthesiology team at this new hospital I’m delivering at coming up to go over different options/risks. If everyone could say a tiny prayer that I get good news that would mean so much to me! I really really want to love labor again! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

4sleep Mattress: a pregnant girls dream.

I posted a few weeks ago on my instagram about our new 4sleeps mattress and said I would give it some time until my review! Honestly I was sold after night 1! And even after that the nights just kept getting better! Its been 3 weeks now and I can honestly say I'm in love.

A little bit of background on my past relationships with mattresses. When we first got married I had been in dorms and Michael had been in Military barracks- so neither of us had a mattress to our names. We pretty much had nothing to our name which meant lots of $$$$. We went with the cheapest (new) mattress we could find cause no thanks bed bugs. It was about $200. We used it for almost a year. In that year I was pregnant and Michael was in the army. My back pain last pregnancy was OUT OF THIS WORLD. Michael was going to physical therapy for his back (he had a dislocated disk) and yet we never put getting a better mattress at the top of our priority list. Then this past summer we finally decided it was time. We were both young and in our twenties we shouldn't have horrible backs and pain when waking up! We spent ALOT.... more than we should have but we were desperate, on a new fancy mattress. Night 1 I wasn't impressed but wanted to give my body time to get used to it. 3 months in we both weren't impressed and still had a lot of restless nights with back pain.

That's when I came across the 4 sleeps! Guys, coolest part-it comes in a box to your doorstep! The box wasn't even huge! Came to my ribs maybe? This factor was so so awesome in the moving process! It fit in the back of my car with my stroller! When you take it out of the box, you undo the plastic wrap and the mattress unfolds and springs to life! It was kinda cool to watch!

We are 3 weeks in and I sleep like a baby! Despite the fact that I am growing a baby! Michael's back pain has significantly decreased and he has been able to sleep in past 6am pretty much everyday! The pain from his back actually used to wake him up! It's memory foam so I don't feel him move or roll around at all! Can I just say I'm so excited for all the postpartum/newborn snuggles that are going to happen in this bed? I'm so impressed and definitely definitely recommend this mattress!

*I was sent this mattress for review but all opinions are my own* 

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Moving into our HOME

Guys!! We have a HOME! OUR home!! ahhhhh! It is so amazing to be able to say that! 

So in case you guys weren’t aware, buying a home is SO stressful! Ugh I felt like I was on a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs and twists and turns for two months straight! Especially right in the beginning and right at the end! 

A little backstory on our move to Virginia! In July Michael was working construction, the days were long, started early, the work was hard, and the heat made it worse. The money was good but we both knew that it wasn’t what he should be doing for an extended amount of time. 

An opportunity came out for a job where he travels on the weekend for a company based out of richmond va (hint- its my dad’s company). He would travel to various locations every weekend and attend the shows that they host (my dad is a hot tub manufacture for those of you who don’t know) and Michael would kind of supervise the show and sell the hot tubs as well! It seemed like a really good fit and the timing was perfect! It had benefits which we had just recently lost our healthcare coverage from the army (it lasts for 6 months after exit date) and holy crap healthcare is NOT cheap! So that was the plan! We actually sold our lease at our apartment and put a deposit on a new 3 bedroom place in Chandler, AZ just a little ways from where we already were! 

The end of September my younger brother got married so I flew out to Virginia for that! Also we couldn’t get into our new place until November 1st and our apartment lease was already sold so I figured I would just stay in VA and visit with family for the month and Michael just came to my parents house in between his shows on the weekends! 

Somewhere between end of september and middle of october, we decided we were going to move to Virginia. It was crazy how fast it happened and definitely felt like it came out of nowhere-but also felt so right. This last year has been one of the hardest, we had a big transition from military life back to civilian aka normal life. Also our whole 5, 10 year plan changed when Michael finally accepted that becoming a PA wasn’t what he wanted for his future, which left us back at square one. 

I started to look at houses for rent and to buy, buying just seemed like the best option for us! We had been thinking about it for some time and decided now was a good time to take the plunge! If you’re not familiar with the east coast or older houses, garages, and multiple bathrooms are kinda a needle in a haystack! A garage was a must because we wanted to be able to run The Native Oak from home and the machine that does it is huge and really loud. After lots of showing I started to get discouraged that we weren’t going to find the perfect home in our budget. And then we did. It’s perfect. Perfect for us. I can’t wait to show you guys all of the insides! We are doing some small renovations to the bathroom and kitchen, lots of painting and then I’ll take some pictures ( but if you have a twitter follow me for some sneak peeks @_whitneyfox)! We have .7 acres of the prettiest land,three huge mature trees, a porch, the perfect detached garage, and 3 bedrooms! The one bedroom is huge! Basically two combined-with the cutest vaulted ceilings! As soon as I saw this room I KNEW my girls would make the best memories in it! It was their room I could just feel it! So eventually they will share, for now it’s just Milan’s room, but I’m thinking around 10-12 months (whenever she starts consistency sleeping through the night) I’ll move the baby up there and turn the nursery into our guest bedroom!  

The moving process has been going so good! Every day we make more and more progress! We truly feel so blessed to be here.